You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Perfectionism is really engrained into our culture. Whether it’s through competitiveness, people pleasing, or peer pressure, many of us struggle with needing to do well and be perfect in just about everything we do. And it’s often not considered a bad thing; in fact, it’s sometimes even commended as a great way of thinking. 

This cultural conception of perfectionism makes it an easy trap to fall into. We want to do well at things, we want to make our friends and family proud, and we want to feel accomplished. We want to be the best. But this sounds great, doesn’t it? Where’s the trap? 

The perfect trap 

The trap is in the root of the word: perfect. It sounds wonderful to be perfect. The idea of never messing up is so appealing to us because we live in such a broken world where everyone messes up so often. It’s almost a feeling of pride because we want to be able to think of ourselves as better than everyone else. 

But the reality is, we’re human. Our sinful nature makes it completely impossible to be perfect. All that happens when try (and fail) to do everything perfectly all the time is burn out. We set such impossible standards for ourselves to impress everyone, never mess up anything, and do everything well, that we get more and more exhausted every time we fall short. We’re harsh on ourselves when we don’t meet the standards and we’re frustrated with ourselves when we get tired. Additionally, we start thinking that everyone should have the same standards as us, so we become hard on others as well.  

The more we try to be perfect, the more we trap ourselves in a perfectionistic way of thinking. It becomes a habit. But it’s overwhelming to always feel like you have to be great at everything you do. There’s a reason that Christ had to die for our sins. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t have needed His sacrifice.  

Freedom from perfection 

As someone who struggles with perfectionism, I am definitely not here to tell you that it’s easy to stop thinking like a perfectionist. When we spend so much time convincing ourselves that we have to be perfect, it feels like we are losing a part of ourselves when we don’t do something correctly. So how can we retrain ourselves to be graceful to ourselves when we mess up and find our identity in more than doing things well? 

First, we have to realize that God gives us grace. If He can forgive us when we sin, we have to forgive ourselves. Are we more powerful than God? Do we have higher standards than Him? Obviously, the answer to this no. Just by looking at the Ten Commandments or Matthew 5:48, we can see that God’s standards are perfection. But He also realizes that until we are completely sanctified, we won’t be perfect.

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

If we wish to be freed from the trap of perfectionism, we must have the same realization that we will never reach the standards of perfection in this life. We have to have the humility to be graceful when we mess up, and only then will we be free to live in His grace. When we have this humility to realize that we are not God and are not perfect, we can forgive others more easily as well, and we won’t be so harsh on them when they fall short of perfection.  

Secondly, we have to find our identity not in perfectionism but in being a child of God. We all have personalities, ways of thinking, and habits that make us unique. But at the very core of our beings, none of those things are what define us. Most of them can be changed rather easily and so are a rocky basis for building our identity on. 

But that’s where the beauty of God’s love comes in. He created us in His image, and at the core of our identity is that ability to be image bearers. We are His creation and being His unique child is what defines us, not anything we do. It’s extremely hard to let go of things that we have come to think of as our identity. But it is so freeing to realize that ultimately, we don’t have to do anything to be loved or known. We do not have to be perfectionists to have value in what we do. God loves and values us because we are His children not because we do things perfectly.  

Working diligently versus working perfectly 

One of things that commonly comes to my mind when I think of perfectionism is the command that whatever we do, we are to do it well, working as for the Lord and not for men. This verse seems to indicate that we should work until we have done something as well as possible. Right?  

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. . . Colossians 3:23

Well, the answer is yes and no. Yes, we need to work hard on our tasks. God has given us our situations and responsibilities for a reason, and it honors Him when we do those things well. But there is a difference between being a hard worker and being a perfectionist. Hard workers do try their best in everything they do, but they realize that perfection is not always an option. They don’t worry that what they’re doing will be imperfect because there is always room for improvement. Rather, they focus on doing well and working for the Lord, and do not let the small mistakes get to their heads.  

As you finish out this school year, I want to encourage you to be a hard worker, not a perfectionist. Do your best in everything, but realize that you will make mistakes along the way. Accept God’s grace and recognize the freedom that comes from not being perfect, but instead being a child of God.